The phrase you hear most, when talking about the management of chronic issues, is “functional”—returning those suffering from CP/I to doing the things they were able to do BEFORE.   

But what happens, in a culture driven by achievement and fueled by the continued admonition to push past one’s limits, when one can’t return to a place of “fully functioning?”  When one is, at their very best, merely “functional-ish?”   

It’s a question I asked myself for years.

You see, when you used to be healthy and now you’re not, huge adjustments are necessary. Beyond dealing with the illness itself, one must now deal with the day-to-day tension many people live in between feeling a drive or desire to be and do more and being limited by one’s own body.

If you’re struggling with similar issues, I also invite you to join me at www.functionalish.com (@functionalish on Instagram)—a blog where I write extensively about the unique challenges people with CP/I face:

• Living in the tension between urgently desiring to be and do more and being limited by your own body
• Arriving at a place of acceptance and meaning which allows CP/I to be a positive transformative force in your life
• Developing a sense of identity and worth that is dependent neither upon your education/accomplishments/career NOR upon your illness
• Learning how to embrace where you are NOW while still looking forward with hope and expectancy
• Continuing to live life with a satisfying sense of meaning and purpose despite the restraints of CP/I

How do I get through this?

Transition is something we all face, but not all of us handle well—particularly when it is unexpected or undesired.

Transformational coaching can guide you through significant transitions by helping you first envision who you’d really like to BE on the other side, thereby allowing you to determine your responses and make any necessary decisions with your desired outcome in mind.

Some of the life transitions people might seek coaching for could include:

• Transitions that require tough decisions: choosing a college or major, debating a move, thinking about going back to school, contemplating a career change
• Seasons of life transitions: living on your own for the first time, getting married, having your first child, the empty nest, caring for an aging parent, end of life issues
• Career-related transitions: entering the job force, promotions or demotions, returning to the workforce after time away, layoffs and job-hunting, retirement
• Life-altering transitions: getting a diagnosis, becoming divorced, bankruptcy, loss of a loved one, disability, starting your own business
• Relational transitions: contemplating or dealing with a breakup, co-parenting outside of marriage or cohabitation, marrying at a later age, conflict with a close friend or significant other

Will I ever get over this?

Grief is one of the hardest things to process alone—largely because people do not understand its nature or its process. The number one referral request I received as both a counselor and a pastor was for grief support.

You don’t have to walk though grief afraid, aimless, and alone. Transformational Coaching can effectively help you navigate the grief of any type of loss, including, but not limited to:

• The death of a loved one

• Traumatic death or injury

• Breakup or divorce

• A life-altering diagnosis

• Job or career loss

• Multiple losses in a row (“complicated grief”)

• Dreams that never came true—marriage, parenthood, home ownership, ministry

When we encounter such losses, it can feel as if our world has shattered and we are left, in shock, staring at the broken pieces, uncertain what to do, how to feel, how to even think.

It is a feeling, when first experienced, that most of us are decidedly unaccustomed to and unaware of how to process—it’s as if our hearts and our brains are flashing “does not compute… does not compute… does not compute…”

And in that pain and shock and uncertainty we have a tendency to make things even harder on ourselves by assuming that, because it feels awkward and confusing and never-ending, that we are doing it wrong.

That’s where I come in.

RE|formation can help you, when you are grieving:

• Cultivate a life-posture of surrender, rather than fighting your life
• Overcome avoidance of or resistance to your pain and learn to develop emotional resiliency
• Determine and pursue what you need to reach a place of closure
• Effectively navigate the grief cycle all the way through to acceptance and meaning-making
• Define what you would like your “new normal” to look like and identify/take steps in that direction

Will I ever feel okay again?

You’ve processed the trauma you’ve experienced, but you continue to become triggered on occasion and you wish your body would get the message that it’s safe. Or, worse, you’re in a position, such as chronic illness or a toxic relationship, in which you continue to feel retraumatized regularly.

Transformational Coaching can help you manage PTSD symptoms and develop healthy coping mechanisms so you can return to a calmer, fuller life.

Post-traumatic stress is experienced when a person has experienced or witnessed something during which their bodies believed they were threatened or in danger. This could include:

• Violence: assault, combat exposure, being threatened with a weapon
• Abuse: physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, spiritual
• Medical trauma: gaslighting, being undiagnosed, poor treatment, botched medical procedures, near-death experiences, critical care experiences, childbirth experiences
• Dangerous situations: fire, a serious accident, plane crash, being robbed, or other extreme or life-threatening events
• Natural disasters: earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, life-threatening weather conditions

The problem is that, even once we are safe, our bodies don’t get that message. So they continue to respond to certain stimuli (what we could call “triggers”) as if our lives were threatened even though, in reality, they are not.

This creates what is called “Sympathetic Dominance”—our sympathetic nervous system becomes hyper-active and continually initiates our “fight/flight/freeze” response without proper reason, resulting in deleterious effects to our bodies and our psyche.

BUT,

this CAN be reversed. Often, more easily than one might ever imagine.

RE|formation Coaching can help you:

• Identify your specific triggers and create/execute a plan for mitigating them or lessening their impact
• Understand the neuroscience of trauma and learn to rewire those pathways in the brain
• Learn how to activate your parasympathetic nervous system when you’ve gone into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode
• Process the traumatic memories in such a way that we “rewrite” our interpretation of the events, decreasing the emotional impact they carry
• Develop and practice strategies to develop greater emotional resilience

Where is God in this?

“Being more spiritual” was one of Americans’ top 10 New Year’s resolutions for 2021. Whether spirituality means, for you, transcendence, the interior life, living more contemplatively, appreciating nature and the natural world, or a particular spiritual practice or faith tradition, many people are longing to become centered and grounded in such a way that enables them to look beyond themselves and gives meaning to the experiences of their lives.

Whether you are experiencing spiritual yearning or spiritual disillusionment, RE|formation Coaching can help you:

• Examine deep longings for beauty, awe, meaning, and/or purpose and discover where the pursuit of them leads you

• Unite your inner and outer self, making space for discernment, connection, and authenticity

• Explore a particular tradition or belief system for the purpose of personal or spiritual formation

• Learn how to pursue and engage in a deeper, more meaningful experience of your personal spiritual practice or expression

• Consider and evaluate your formative religious and/or spiritual experiences to determine how your “personal theology” is presently shaping you

As a practicing follower of the teachings of Jesus, I often work with people who are interested in a distinctly Christian approach to formation.

Ongoing transformation is not only the norm for the Christian—it is, arguably, the entire goal of the Christian life. We read, in Ephesians 4:24, The Message version:

And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

Indeed, many scriptures talk about developing greater spiritual and person maturity so that we might become more like Jesus. It is a central tenant of our faith.

If you’re looking for a Christ-centered approach, RE|formation Coaching can also help you to:

• Explore doubts, questions, and crises of faith without shame or judgment
• Engage in spiritual practices that create Christ-like character formation, not just behavioral change
• Learn ways to interact with and experience God that form deep, relational intimacy with the Trinity
• Walk through a “Dark Night of the Soul” in way that strengthens rather than undermines your faith
• Develop a greater discernment and ability to hear and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit/will of God